Back to work. This is week three of my part time status back at the office. I have to say, the transition has been really really hard. It isn’t being apart from Avery, so much — I have realized that I need time away from her, with adults, learning, using my brain in new and different ways. But that being said, it’s completely exhausting — and I’m only working five hour days. I’m frankly extremely worried about what it will be like when I am back full time. I feel barely coherent most of the time now. And since the work I’m doing isn’t development but rather is giant spreadsheets of data, which makes my eyes cross, the foggy head really gets in the way.

And I do miss my daughter. We had such wonderful, lazy mornings the whole time I was at home. She seems to have inherited my natural internal clock — up between 8 and 9, sleep between 11 and midnight. It isn’t compatible with working, but it was blissful while we were home. We’d have lazy mornings, nursing and napping, and at about 11 we’d get out and start our day. Now I have to wake her up at 7:00, and neither she nor I like that very much.

Overall, it’s a big adjustment, and I’m feeling pretty melancholy about it. I’m considering talking with my boss about retaining my part time status at the end of six weeks if there still isn’t work in my full time field by then. Unfortunately or fortunately though, depending on how you look at it, it seems that things are picking up and that may not be an option. Ugh. At least it’s a decision with a four week delay.