Tonight I am panicking too much to write about anything other than my panic. I am re-auditioning to stay on the roster of a choral group I used to sing with about five years ago. I have been dwelling on it for six weeks or so, ever since it was scheduled. It’s been strangely draining just to think about it, that kind of deep seated stress that affects everything else, leading to a big fat crying jag on Thursday that took me out of my show that night. Neat.
It’s odd. I haven’t sung since I left the group, except for some caroling gigs. But I’ve been working on my piece and despite the hiatus, I feel I’m vocally almost stronger than I was when I was last part of the group. How weird is that? But I’m still just scared that I won’t quite be good enough. I don’t know how I’ve managed to build this up so much in my mind, but there it is. I swear, these ten minutes are looming larger than a new job, my wedding, or any of a host of other actually important things.
At least it will be over tomorrow, and then I can rest more easily. I have actually been practicing for once, so it is as good as it is going to get. Right? Right?
Ugh. Save me.
What else? Let’s see. I’m back in the middle of scarf-knitting. Because, you know, I didn’t have enough other projects going on. But this one is a present for my dad, so it’s a good cause.
I taught a bellydance workshop at a sorority meeting tonight. I had forty-five minutes to get thirty girls “up to speed” on shimmys, piston hips, lifts and drops, and some snaky arms. It sounds like the set up for a really bad movie, doesn’t it??
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